The market has outpriced most of us, so now what?
It’s easy to get fixated on what is currently out of reach.
Many of us are feeling depressed because homeownership seems to have just become 100% impossible – and right when it was about to finally be our turn.
No one could have guessed that the housing market would get this crazy, pricing out not just the little guys, but most everyone.
It’s not just you. Something crazy is happening. Time to be smart, not emotional.
When we “buy high” or jump off the cliff with everyone else, we are not going to win in the end.
There’s a lot of fear/security seeking going on right now because of the trauma we’ve all faced in our country/world. Sure it would feel comforting to buy a house and it’s scary to feel like you 100% CAN’T. Does that mean you’ve failed? Does that mean you never will own a house? Does this market mean houses will never be affordable again?
Hold on, friend. You are okay and you’re not losing your opportunities forever. But you do have to get yourself back on solid ground.
Here’s how to win right now without buying a house:
Instead of obsessing about the house you cannot buy right now, force yourself to focus on the next right steps for you.
CHANGE YOUR THINKING! SHIFT PARADIGMS!
At first glance, the following steps may seem silly, but they’re not. They will change your life! Be brave and have some faith. Take a whole ten minutes of your life right now and follow these steps and CHANGE YOUR STARS (-yes, a fabulous and certainly relevant reference from the movie A Knight’s Tale ):
- SHAKE OFF THE DESPAIR….LITERALLY! Your stress over this has filled your head with cobwebs. You can’t even think straight. Start by standing up and doing a few jumping jacks or pushups or even just jump up and down for ten seconds…It’s not crazy, it will wake you up for the rest of the steps. Do it now, …seriously. It will ALWAY shake you out of the funk of woe is me and I’m screwed. Your brain on stress is FUZZY…you can’t change your life if you have a FUZZY STRESS BRAIN. Ten seconds of exercise is better than a cup of coffee at jolting you back into your body. It burns up the stress hormones pulsing through your body and helps you think straight again. Just trust me, and do some pushups or stand up for a minute and jump.
- GET IT ON PAPER. Now that you are awake it’s time to Get clear on what your actual choices are…get a paper and pen out NOW! If you skip this step, you are unlikely to change your stars. Just do it. This is the life-changing part.
- DIG! You feel like you don’t have ANY options. You do. Write them down, spelling your options out in detail. Write down “WHAT ARE MY OPTIONS?” and then don’t give up right away. Think. Pray. Scream. Cry. Don’t give up. WRITE YOUR OPTIONS DOWN! This will get you out of your head and back on solid ground, back into reality. Listing your real options for where you are today is empowering. (e.g. I can keep renting for now and I’ll be fine but I could focus on my side hustle. I can ask grandma to move in with her and do her lawn care and work two jobs. We can pay off our debts this year instead of thinking about homeownership goals. I can move to a cheaper housing market in another part of the country and buy a house if I really wanted to own one more than my other goals, -but is it truly my #1 goal and priority right now? We could live with my sister if we are in trouble. I could ask my coworker about being roommates. We could focus on our fitness goals this year. I could go back to school/change careers. I could pursue the hobby/passion/skill I’ve always thought about. I could focus on increasing my income so I can afford what I want.)
- Acknowledge the good in your life. Think about all the ways you’ve had a good life even though you didn’t own a house. Acknowledge that owning a house isn’t the end-all to happiness. How you live your life each day and how that aligns with your priorities is what leads to happiness, despite where you live and whether you pay rent to a landlord or a mortgage payment to the bank.
- Realize how free you are. Stimulate your creative thinking by writing down a few wild things you could do but are unlikely to do. Show yourself you are still wildly free to choose many things. One thing may be off the table right now (buying a house at a million times what it’s worth) but look at all that’s still out there! You can save money, invest money, invest in yourself, increase your income, work on your goals. You can open a business instead of putting all that money down on a house. You can get a booth at the farmer’s market and sell cookies. You can become a travel nurse or travel cna. You can learn to paint. You can ask for a raise. You can join a hiking group and ask someone on a date. You and your spouse can plan some goals or a vacation or have a baby or train for a 10k. You can do stuff.
- Brainstorm dreams you have had in your life that have nothing to do with homeownership. You may have temporarily forgotten that there’s so much more you wanted in life than just owning a home (and let’s get real, the bank owns the homes for most). Let’s not reduce our happiness and success in life to homeownership alone. We are so much more than that.
- Zoom out. Think of a few ways you can get outside of yourself by helping others. Maybe it’s as simple as being kinder to your spouse by rubbing their back or complimenting your kids, donating a few cans to the food bank next time you get groceries. It will quickly change your focus and your perspective and increase your feeling of well-being.
- Write down a few of your blessings. Living during this time on earth is simply amazing. If you focus on all we CAN do, it’s exhilarating. Homeownership is NOT THE END-ALL.
- See the opportunities you have that others don’t BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT BUYING A HOUSE RIGHT NOW. DON’T SKIP THIS ONE! This is powerful and profound. Really think about it. (e.g. if we bought a house we’d be stretched and I would need to work more hours. By not buying a house I can instead take a night class on photography, or go to a yoga class in the evenings (quality of life). We are free to move closer to family if the covid gets worse and the world implodes, but if we bought a house we might be stuck here and not able to sell if after buying so high, even if I lost my job, so we have the freedom to move about to different career options because we are not buying a house.)
- Plan three events to look forward to and write them on your calendar or put them on the refrigerator. (An upcoming holiday, community event, a weekend hike, change of season, seeing a friend soon, a birthday.) Get your mind on all the life coming your way. Take a Deep Breath and smile just a little.
- Invest in something. It will make you feel grown up and like you are doing something. Even if you can’t buy a house, which may feel like this grown-up right of passage you feel like you need but can’t have, realize that you CAN invest in something else. Does your workplace have a retirement investing option? If it does, start there. They may do a match. Just go talk to your HR tomorrow. If you already do that or it’s not an option at your employment, sign up on Vanguard.com or something similar. You can invest $50 a month. Baby steps that move you forward and help you take action in your life empower you to grow and see opportunities everywhere.
- Write down a description of who you are and what you love. You are a complex rich person and acknowledging the nuance of who you are can help you see your path. Write down what things make you happy and what things you “can’t not do” (you can’t not be outdoors, you can’t not sing, you can’t not run, you can’t not dream of opening a business)…these are your guiding stars! (e.g. I love the dirt, seeds, and growing things. I “can’t not” plant a garden every spring regardless of if it’s in my windowsill, at a community garden, or in my backyard. I just have to do it.) If I do these things I’m happy and even though I can’t buy a house, I can grow things, and I can volunteer at the local community garden growing food for the soup kitchen. I can also blog about growing things, and even form a community gardening/beautification club if I wanted to. I can do things in relation to this thing that makes me who I am.) We can think bigger than the limitations that seem to loom before us. It doesn’t have to look just one way. I love to grow things, to be in nature, to learn, and to be healthy. I’ve been so fixated on homeownership, but it’s funny because I can do all the things I want to and care about most in life without it. And yes, as much as I’d like to buy a house with a huge yard where I can garden or have the opportunity to buy low today and sell high in the future, that’s not in the cards today. So who am I, and what does a good life look like for that person?
You are not a loser.
You are not too late.
You haven’t missed the boat.
Your life isn’t over.
You have power and choices.
You have options.
Every life looks different and there are infinite versions of success.
POWER is in that paper you just wrote out while reading this article. -If you did that, you can change your life one step at a time. If you didn’t do it, scroll back up and get after it!
We are all a work in progress, as my best friend Crystal always reminds me.
You are powerful. Don’t give your power away to fear.
When we focus on our current options, our options grow. When we focus on what is currently out of reach, fear grows and our options shrink.
Focus on your options. Focus on the good in your life, and the GOOD gets BETTER.
BUYING A HOUSE IS NOT THE END-ALL
GET AFTER THE OTHER DREAMS!
The actions you take today will create your opportunities for tomorrow.
Get out a paper and write down the following things to get clear on where you can go from here.
My options: (you have them….keep thinking and write them down)
My out-there crazy options: (things you think are too crazy or risky but you’ve thought about them…write them down. Are they as out-there as you think?)
My interests/opportunities I can pursue BECAUSE of not buying a house: (what else can you invest in….with your time or money)
- …instead of an extra $500 a month on a mortgage payment we could save for ….
- …I could take that travel position if I don’t buy a house
- …we could consider starting a _______ business on the side
My blessings: (look at the good life you have lived and gasp, you didn’t even own a house!)
- spouse, kids, friends, dog
- school, free courses at the library
- ran a 5k with the kids
- beautiful park in town we like to walk in
- public libraries
- good simple food
- farmer’s market in town
- hiking club
- taking day trips to explore other towns
Who I am and what I love: (describe yourself. You probably knew who you were as a teenager or kid better than you do now. What do you love? What makes you happy? What is it all about at the end of the day for you?)
- I need to spend some time outdoors everyday to feel good
- I need to walk or be active
- I love to connect by talking with someone
Don’t be depressed because you can’t afford a house. There are life-changing options hiding right in front of you.
Happy Life to you. I believe in you and in all of us!
-Megan
(…and if you are still feeling down, invite a friend over, have an Izzie, watch Back to the Future and then make some goals to get out in nature this week – hiking, gardening, paddling, anything outside. A big dose of Vitamin D and action will help you think through things and lower your stress hormones.
I believe in us! : ) Chin up!